three, four, HR won't even show you the door (bc you are WfH)
five, six, too many problems to fix
seven, eight, don't try to contemplate
nine, ten, shipping your job to India again...
157 replies (most recent on top)
https://www.funnypoemsforlife.com/poems/banks
At NYSE they crowned a new prince
A CEO named Robin the Vince
They clapped for retiring Todd
Who was sent off with a nod
How many days till layoffs commence
Roman Regelman's slick
Sold a pig in a poke to Bridget
With four years to ponder
His mind freely wondered
How to present it all as legit
They called it a merger of equals
wrote a Harvard Case study as the prequel
But in Years two and three
Pittsburgh soon ceased to be
with glass ceilings and layoffs the sequel
Robin Vince
Ain't no prince
Another privileged aristocrat
And especially a spoiled brat
Warren Buffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating his curds and whey
Along came a layoff
Who sat down beside her …
I'm back again with words to rhyme
After retiring it was certainly time
The new CEO will bad just as bad
Formerly 2 great companies it's now very sad
Senior Leaders can decree
That we work extra for free
Plus longer commutes
Gas prices aren't moot
Rules for thee but not for me
Take a moment to remember Memorial Day
Back to work tomorrow what can I say
At least tomorrow it's WFH so I can play
And watch TV and still get my pay
What can I say about asset servicing tech ?
Bad design that’s a mo--nic wreck
It’s a Rube Goldberg mess
Staff in constant distress
Now is the post bonus season
And clearly there’s many a reason
To find that new job
Before you are robbed
By the paltry promised increasion.
Happy Mother’s Day
I’m doing production support for my pay
No holiday dinner for me
Not even time for a cup of tea
The BofA era was fun
They cashed in their options day one
Then Digit got mired
in Greenfield and hired
Offshore Ops to follow the sun
I'm glad this post that I started over a year ago is still going. We have some great poets here. Banking professionals, not so much.
I work in the disaster of GSP
Have to deal with the chaos of SMD
I also interface with PSS
Which is a colossal mess
Finally I have to talk to CDW
Another mess but I won’t trouble you
An SME in a cubicle
worked monitored by mgmt imbeciles
RTO was in force
And he knew this of course
He escaped to remote by the window sill
RTO has started my sleuthing
Just found my stolen Bluetooth thing
In a coworkers’ drawer
Along with some more
Believe I will file that code RAP thing
How and why have Layoffs ceased?
Even as efficiency worries increased…
The great resignation revealed the joke
Of performance ratings based upon Woke
All as key SMEs engineered their release
It's time for tech to be layed off
We're long overdue for our payoff
We schlepp and we drag
For Plexite & Swag
With seldom a weekend day off
I worked for a cranky old boss
who came to work always quite cross.
Finally found out,
he developed gout,
when stocks took a capital loss
Diversity Equity Inclusion
All a foregone HR conclusion
We should interview blind
Always keeping in mind
Skin deep hiring is naught but delusion
They made me return to the office
It's been handled anything but flawless
The rest room smells more than ever
My next raise will be on the 10th of never
A new ceo named robin vince
Another flunky who thinks he’s a prince
Good bye farewell to old Todd gibbons
Whose reputation has been shred to ribbons
Batman told Robin
"we just gotta save Gotham"
Robin e-vinced an incredible sneer
Alfred joined in with support of the Batman
Robin displaced them both then and there
Meeting with India today really s*cks
Now I’m having coffee at my local starbucks
Going back home to watch TV
WFH is the place to be
Time for a merger, time to get vax
Time for RTO is an unfortunate fact
Time for Todd to pack his bags
Time for more layoffs as your career sags
Time for the smell of curry in the rest rooms
Time to leave as retirement looms
March 1 is time to resign
Get a life back that really is mine
Shame in this company once grand
Became a place that is old and bland
Tractor boy's an urban legend
So the search is never endin'
The C Suite's got dough
As employees all know
execs with tractors not happenin’'
I'm back rhyming with this poem
I want to continue to work from home
Asset servicing is a sorry mess
And its technology failures cause us stress
The office I won't go back to
WFH is what I'll continue to do
Unless of course I get canned
Then jump for joy and do a headstand
We wish you a merry layoff
We wish you a merry layoff
We wish you a merry layoff and a happy new career
Good tidings we bring from from us overseas
We wish you a merry layoff and a happy new career
‘‘Twas the night before layoffs
All over the house
Not a creature in USA remained stirring
Not even a mouse
Listen my children and you shall hear
India takes over and I am in fear
First it’s the Redcoats and now the curry
I need to leave here in a hurry
I wonder who invented PSS
It's really just a sordid mess
Same could be said for SMDB
Overengineered fiasco we all can see
GSP is another story
A massive failure in all its glory
CDW is a redundant mess
Bad design and management I can only guess
Today is thanksgiving day
At least a day off u can say
I realize why
The real turkey is b n y
DEI is quite the fright
I dont understand it quite
it seems that I'm no longer fit
Despite my skills which are legit
India's the way to go
No glass ceiling there, you know
NYC and Pittsburgh sweatshop never ends
Skimpy little bonus don't make amends
New York City's the way to go
No glass ceiling there, you know
Pittsburgh's sweatshop never ends
Skimpy little bonus don't make amends
New York City jobs are bound to go
Pittsburgh positions eliminated and so
India and Poland get the jobs and grow
Curry and sausage smell the halls I know
Boss makes a dollar
I make a dime
That's why I po-p
On Company time