Boa: we are the best with charities and most just company in world and give to every charity with millions and you can match it too. Even a magazine so and so says we are the best and we had a stellar year too. Best in the industry. Responsible growth works. Our placemat works wonders for everyone. We support every person who breathes. Give give give….
Employee: can I maybe have just a .025 merit increase? Just a few cents really….please?
Boa: uh…uh……we can’t afford it. We don’t just give out increases…yeah…you have to do something special….stop asking for handouts….
Employee: well my cost of living has increased and my job tasks have increased too and it’s sort of hard to make ends meet…
Boa: you aren’t budgeting right probably. Sign up for one of our free courses. Stop asking for handouts. Whiny cry baby. Waaaah waaaah waaaah
Employee: but you said you give to every person who breathes and I am breathing…
Boa: we are working on that. Open offices. No partitions. Get rid of wfh. Get you as close as we can and cram as many of you in there as possible. Watch those viruses spread! Muhahhahaha
Employee: what?
Boa: oh, sorry, that wasn’t my inside voice. Would you like to give to one of our charities since we support all people? Everyone! We might match it.
Employee: Wait, I told you. I can’t afford even to give.
Boa: selfish employees, can’t even give .025 to this charity? Geeeesh….its not even a drop in the bucket. We could give that and more. Stellar year you know. Selfish employees…
Employee: whatever. starts filling out job applications for elsewhere
Boa: We are the best of the best. Sure. Go. We will get by…looooooser….wah wah wah…
Employee: hands in the keys to the car no one else knows how to drive as goes to competitor
Boa: takes keys and stares at it What’s this do?….red alarms going off? Error rates up? Wait….uh…..responsible growth…..placemat….uh….give….
11 replies (most recent on top)
This company does pay low but the barrier for entry is non existent. Do you know I get on calls on the daily to tell people what buttons to press? These people would not have jobs at other companies but here in BoA, they are software engineers. My peers at other banks have much higher hiring standards and they regularly prune the lowest performers every year. Do you want that to happen here? If not, stop complaining about the pay.
@12c+1jkba77c8 - Match BTM's pay for one year (or JAMIE'S!!!!) and retire from this schlit-hole.
What would you like the power to do?
OP - i love this post. Makes me smile every time I see it.
Just wish it weren't so accurate. You have captured it all right here.
This weird skitzo conversation says it all. You don't deserve anything. You wouldn't be happy until all 8 of your personalities get 5% raises.
They can't submit a news article or get likes on social media by saying that they give their employees raises, so it's not worth it to them. All of those donations are advertisements about how great they are. Any company that spends as much time as them promoting how great they are is usually pretty evil
Yep - just look at UHC. Still ticking away...
@av+1jkba77c8 says makes logical sense on paper or if looking from the outside, but everyone on the inside, the backbone as another entry said, see the errors increasing and risk rising dramatically for the bank primarily because so many SME workers or skilled workers left. This is bad for the bank as it will create more customer frustrations and problems and adverse media attention that will hit the stock. So actually if you look at it on the inside and go team by team, the SME workers are not replaceable without hurting the financial standing of the bank in the long term. Again, this gallon in ocean comment on paper is brilliant and poetic, but in reality isn’t exactly correct.
"Everyone is replaceable in a large enough organization."
What is the difference between that and a government:
both are uncompetitive and neither create.
We have over 200k people. You are a gallon of water in the ocean. Remove a gallon and it’s not missed and creates no chaos. If a critical person leaves and no associate is available with skill, consultants will cash a check to do it. Don’t kid yourself into thinking this place has key people that it can’t lose. Everyone is replaceable in a large enough organization.
did you just have a conversation with yourself?